伤害

好累。。好失败的感觉。。总是弄不明白， 弄不清楚。。。怎么办。。开始不认识我自己。真的面孔， 假的面孔，真真假假， 空虚的心灵，漂亮或丑陋的外壳，华丽或简朴的衣着，在包装的私底下， 巧妙的让人分不清。不一样的生活， 不一样的人， 不一样的命运， 不一样的机会，不一样的遭遇，如果由你决定， 你又会选择哪一种生活，换成是我。 答案是--不知道。不一样的选择在你生活里发生不一样的插曲，有好有坏， 不能由你所能够预测的。如果能， 我想我不会坐在这里乱写一通吧！生活里遇到什么人什么事， 到底是冥冥中注定的还是你所能够预料的。。对我来说， 遇到一个朋友， 一些事，不管开不开心， 生气还是烦恼，都是幸福的事情。 如果没有他们， 我又怎么学会生气， 埋怨， 宽恕， 原谅呢！如果没有事情发生， 我又怎么学会下次做得更好，体悟原来世界真的有这些美丽加误会的插曲， 预防自己不会再次受伤害呢！往往事情的发生都有它本身的原因！傻傻的傻婆是这么想。习惯被别人当工具，发泄的人，利用的人，。。其实我一点也不介意， 最重要是别人开心啊！难得被人利用， 也证明我有利用价值哦。。哈哈。。所以在朋友的眼中， 我总是什么都不在乎， 总是像小孩一样， 笑笑， 疯疯癫癫的玩。。因为我怕。。怕失去朋友， 怕失去家人，怕做错事情， 怕给人骂， 怕别人会不理我是不是我对他们做错什么事情一样。怕读书压力， 怕成绩会让父母失望，怕做选择，怕一个人。。。一点安全感也没有。上学期没有那么强烈的感觉， 可是回来就。。。眼泪弄湿了我的键盘，写不下。。妈咪。我最信任的人。许多事情没说， 不想你担心，对爸爸说那是不可能的，也许你会觉得我没用。在你眼里我总是那么坚强， 什么都不怕，总是保护着姐姐和你，你对我的期望是那么的高， 我怕我让你失望， 做不到你对我的要求。，从来都没敢违抗你的要求，我做的好累。不敢说不。可是我知道你做的都是为我。以前的爸不认我， 不认同我， 你要求我的只不过是要我证明给爸爸看。。我能的， 我不能输。。就是很累， 我也要读下去。现在的我只是要求我接下来的人生有所改变， 有所变化。我不懂该相信谁， 我自己都不想信， 何况要别人相信我。这里要找知心的朋友， 我想很难吧。看到朋友间相处的变化使我感觉朋友之间真的没有任何信誉。随时的背叛， 随时的伤害， 都在无意间造成。我要对谁说。。？？？我很矛盾。方法只有一个， 心里。。没人会知道。。。。。

Youth camp

Just got time to tidy up my photo and video... sound that i am so busy .. heheh. but nt at alll..the youh camp which organized by sacred heart catheral can be said well done..some of them come frm miri, bintulu, kapit and others..welcome all u all.I am happy and not regret for being joining in.. be a " da jie tou" in my group. i try to be more childish wth them as i know i am old ordi be that.. but who care.. as long as i really enjoy it that can still play and easy communicate wth them by that style..if nt, they wont try to open their true manner hahah.. am i terror.. wuohohoho...a wonderful camp.. hope can join another day.. see u guys.. miss u all. muaks...

爸爸

好难下笔。。很多字出现在我这个笨脑袋里， 不过又不懂怎么写咯！父亲节要到了。不过对我而言， 好像没那种心去帮爸爸庆祝。真的是不孝女呃。不知道。。。我就是这样。可以说我坏吧！可能跟爸的关系没跟妈妈那么密切。跟爸爸说话， 我会很小心， 那怕会说错话， 不然就得挨骂。姐姐就不一样咯。。不过还好。。我会顶嘴， 所以自己找喳。哈哈活该。。爸爸的语气很很重， 很大声， 而且因为这样每次得罪人。。妈妈看不下， 所以家庭战阵又会开始。爸爸做事情的方式跟别人不同， 有时候我很讨厌， 有时候嫌弃麻烦，碍眼，，不过我知道他有他的方式关心我们， 只是不懂表达。。从以前到现在我跟爸的关系有所改变。在学院， 爸很少打给我， 几乎我打回去。不过现在虽然在大学，也很少打。每次也只是那几个问题。我知道他很关心我们， 不过爸爸。。拜托你啦讲话不要那么大声啦。。我会觉得你在骂我呃。。在我眼里，我看到爸爸跟人低声下气时， 我会几乎眼泪掉下来。。以前的他是那么的有种霸气在，发生了一些小插曲。。变到现在的他。不懂对我来说是好是坏。。不过爸也有可爱的一面。。丷哈哈。。如果妈妈晚上出去的话， 他会不停的问我哦！！怕妈妈会去约会式的。。我觉得很好笑。。问的方式让我觉得爸爸的吃醋心满重的哦。。不能怪爸爸啦谁叫妈变越来越美叻，每天都是穿的美美的。。哈哈，真的是人老心不老啦！不过对我而言他是我独一无二的爸爸。。爸。。谢谢你！

holiday...

Engkelili.. a small place and around 3 hours frm my hometown.. here i come.. it just really a small small place, nt bigger than batu pahat...but it also nt so kampuang kampung.. gt the simple services as usual.. just that a rural kampung.. been here a week, just a word to said- a good place for sleep, eat and play..-hahah. no place to go.. no place to shop..but what to do.. can be said in jail.but anyway enjoy lah, become more like a pig now.. abu... bk 2 morrow. yeah.. but gt to join a camp frm 30 to 2 of june.. then busy wth uni talk on 21 of june.. gt to present my uni -uthm to others presenter but nothing have be done by me..hoho... still playing...haha.my friends will help me.

hohoh...

waw, finally bk home.... loh "kampau mee" i am coming towards u loh.. hehe..just arrive at sibu airport, make me realize that the H1N1 is seriously coming towars in our earth.. no matter in where now, this virus make people realize that the world is really attacked by.....
busy the whole week,, just gt free time to bog my blogger.help my dad and mum, and also my sis..as she have just finish the eyes operation..quite busy.. and continuosly gt camp at pastoral center on 30-2/6/092.. the youth camp for youth.. and after that gt uni camp for local uni frm 4-7/6/09.. waw, really tired but happy to do so.. work wth god..many things happen in this camp b4 that. just hope everything will be fine.. good luck to me.. hehe.

my cute familys...

Make a Smilebox slideshow

friends..

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

april

haha, my new laptod buy on april.. ....i like it, bt too expensive to me. wanna pok gai ordi.. eat grass at here...be cow first . heheh..

war

a, e i o u..... o my god.. final is tough in UTHM. the first time i am having my exam university...wohuhu...tough and difficult..i gt 5 papers this sem.. the first sem i come through, i felt why student so tension while having exam.. i am like this.. .. hehehe....afraid this and that.. thinking why they are smart, while i am so stupid. this dont know how. that i havent learn..me just know how to keep in my heart and cry..but after that, i tell myself, i should be able to do it.. just that i am lazy.. rite?haha. just wanna comfort myself only..additional, my room was too hot, then gt to move out from my room to study outside balcony.. see how i pretend so hardworking..haha. still gt one more papers left hopefully can pass this sem.

-my place to fight for the war -

shaking

final is coming.. in progressing or loading
wuahha.a bad day for me.i cant concentrate in my study or exam.. when i went into f2, i felt uncomfortable and feeling weird.. i just wanna vomit and feel headache inside the field .. dunno why?
is it pressure?
i am afraid..
still gt many years to go on. how it will happen?can somenone tell me..
afraid now...pressure or what?o my god..can someone help me...my hands and legs is shaking and dare nt think of it, eat medicine to control... i told myself it will be fines..fines..

hp pavillion and " lucky day"

hurray.. my new laptod hp pavillion 3611 is coming home...haha. at last, gt laptod to use.. but but but.. too expensive to me.. haiz.. this months gt to eat grass in uthm ordi.. o my god.. what to do.. nt dare to ask frm mum, rm 3000 is fly like that ordi... eh..umumum...faster fster, final comes and quickly pat over then can bk home quickly ordi.. yeah..yeah...
o, this moring really a suck.. haha, so rude of me.. wake up early in the morning to attend the lawatan st bekuk..but as long as we wait, didn't see any of theshadow of the bus.. letc is so angry to kak shida, pity of her. she forget to pass the booking letter to hp i think, then we can;t book the bus..how come, this uthm ha.. really so troublesome de...hahah blame them pula..let so angry and just went home like that, o my god, the PB marks will be influenced?????nt dare to said.. hope is ok , fair a bit ..hehe.

final.. final...

unlucky for me this week and this fews days...
haiz.. my laptod damn....got to buy new one.. and yet pc fair is on going, but no stock for the laptod i order.. how come.. is it's so many people buy that kind of laptod o.. haiz.. so need to wait loh
.so expensive ...but what to do, also need to buy .. as need to do assignment and pdf file for final exam.o my god.. final is coming.. sibu.. i miss u so much..hope 2 morrow is the last day and can get bk home faster ..haha. nearly half year nt bk ordi... miss hm , my bed so much...havent study yet... how.. just hentam saja lah.. haha. i dont know i manage to pass this sem ornt, as i really dont know what i am studying this sem.. just know do assignment and present...still gt one assignment havent done.. haiz.. gt lawatan again... ordi study week , still gt many things to do.. this is the result of lazy letc.. shiii....... i just scold here.. dont spell out yae...still unwell now. hope everyting get well and prepare for final.. gambatek ..

sick...

o my god... confuse and worry now.. my sister is going to have an operation on her eyes this fews days , but the actual days i dont know.. worry much abt my family.. how am i going to do.. lord , help me.. pray for my sister that everyting is allrite...much expenses will be going to spent as heard frm mummy, around RM 7000 like that , just including the operation.. nt include others.. if not successfull, she gt to do the 2 nd times... how come .. i think is god gives us the test now... we gt to handle and solve it .. thanks god.. i know u are guiding by my sides.. thanks all the saint and angels...prays is the useful things now,. hope everything fines.. and i wanna see the rainbow in my family agaiin.....wish from potato girls...

potato

不好意思，久等了大家，因为比较忙所以不得已拖了很多天没写了。wuahah, my new nickname- " potato girls" is quite a big funny to me.. i dont know why i was called like that, but i think i look like that gua.. but is ok.. i like that.. fresh to me...haha. so stupid me..here i wanna share some story to u all , frm my friends... A little girl is falling love wth a boys.. but as she know that's is impssible for her to fall in love wth that boys...aroung seven years the girls keep secret in her hearts, but still cant said out. the boys treat her as his friends and best friends.. As she know that, if she said out, sure she know their is a big wall between them, they wont turn back to their usual life..the girls think that is better she keep as secret, she keep thinking why is hard to said out that words...since that, the girls afraid to fall love in boys and afraid of dating.. she afraid that she maybe get hurts..get blame, get disappointed, and others.. why?this question is always digs in her minds..As i know that, love is something lovely, honey and enjoy.. but once u get hurt, is something u hate of it.. so is necessary for someone to have love?.. maybe from family , friends is possible.. honestly, i am afraid of it..the circles in my heart i cant step out or ....???question in my hearts.......dare or nt dare?
If u got story telling or share wth me, welcome drop down....

pocket bleeding...

yeppy....Is holiday, but i didnt bk my hometown bz just a fews day.. keep on shooping here, my pocket is bleeding .. o my god... what am i spending such as many ...died lah .. buying shirt and shoes.. my favourite.. eating wth friends and watch movie..haha
, so enjoying my life.. o..god..

eating rice with sandra at old town ...

eating pizza hut wth friends..

food...

yae.. i enjoy some delicious food at here.. quite nice and yummy..my roomates, coursemate always bring me to eat.. abu!! become fat fat guys now.. nt blaming them lah.. just joke. they all so nice to me.. hehe...want diet but my mouth keep on functioning. haha..gt to be control if nt, i bk home , sure my mum nt know well to me..
murtabak singapore and roti nan cheese

JB

long time no log in my blog.. sorry .just got some free time for me to sit down to write something...new life, new faces, new letc, new classmate..new friends, roomate.. whatever lah, all new for me..everything start zero again in uthm.. so tough, first i nt get used of the situation here, the air pollution is so serious that i gt to use the pump again..waw, the plastic factory which operate 24 hours non-stop is just like a train let off the smooke while depart.. as usual, i am the only chinese girl again in the class... to me nt so special, to them yes.. wuahaha. but gt chinese guy.. around 5 of them, but some are nt my session, i still remember the first day i go in the class, i wear a set of punjabi.. they so shock then ask me am i a muslim girl ornt,, haha. i get know well wth 4 chinese boys .andrew, panda, wei yew, and chi kang...
they really so friendly, really thanks a lot to them . bz i am second intake, so they really t. c of me especially panda and andrew.. they really are my <>. bz panda is ipoh guy, so he know quite well here, he usually bring us to ' jalan-jalan cari makan" haha. jb- the famous food-" otok-otok". is like something the meat of fish put inside the banana leaves and bbq it.. but once i try , the taste is like a fishball, u know that, i nt eat that things, so.. nt so nice to me.. but for andrew, he said nice...many things to eat here..but to jb is quite far,..the food here is quite expensive, nt like sibu lah... miss my hometown much...when i will be bk? walau.. till may eh...

New Year New Life 2009

Really a big present to me on the last day of 2008.Thanks god. Finally i get in the Local University Tun Hussein Onn Malaysia, Johor, Batu Pahat here.B4, i get in, i decided to went into UTAR to get my degree in QS abt 4 years.. On that morning, i just get the phone call frm uthm and ask me check whther i got received the mail.. o my god, everything so rush to me.. i got to register 0n the 2 . 1. 09 and yet i just received on the last day. Then on the spot i book my flight on airasia bz i cant online through masairlines web.. waw, expensive rm 381.50. hahah. I cant manage to do my medical check up in sibu so i bring it here to do.
My adopted mum and dad luckily also same uni as me . They pick me up and i stay at their home . Next day, they bring me to register and help me do everything such as register modul, filling form, medical check up, Pengecualian credit, register this and that..so many things..
but really thanks to sim, wan ru , catherine and others..
uthm is nt as big as others uni .. oklah.. but if walk also far, it gt provide bus in here.I saw many f my senior here.. waw, best.
in my class, i am the only chinese girl, gt others 4 chinese boys.... o my god, again i am alone.. haha. but get used of it ordi.. the air pollution in here is so serious.. I go for medical, the dr advised me to use the pump better than medicine.. i just get it an dnt used it,, so troublesome bring that things. haha I havent get used of the environment here yet.the first day i come in, i get sick..frm now also pening pening my head..luckily my roomates all very take care of me. Hopefully i can survive at here..